Last Left Standing
by Shiori07
Summary: Levi was always supposed to be the strongest, the one who could deal with the most adversity and march on through life fulfilling his duty to humanity. But in the end, he endures one death too many. In the end, even the last left standing fades. Established Ereri. WARNINGS: probably the most depressing thing I've written, also has alcoholism. And a happy-ish ending. Cover not mine.
A/N: Another one-shot the majority of my followers will never read! Yay! I'm basically posting this while I wait for my beta to get back to me on ML. Anyway, like I said, this is probably the most depressing thing I've ever written. Inspired while listening to "Call Your Name" by Mica Caldito on youtube, this fic has an unbelievable amount of angst and basically reflects the piece of crap my life has been lately. Honestly, if I wasn't so emotionally twisted I would have cried multiple times while writing this.

WARNINGS: mentions of death and alcoholism

Disclaimer: I do not own SnK/AoT

* * *

 **~Last Left Standing~**

It was such a bright day, sunny and warm with a hint of a gentle breeze on the air. The brilliantly blue sky was sparsely dotted with large, fluffy white clouds that drifted along aimlessly, as if they didn't have a care in the world. The nearby trees rustled, tousled by the wind, some of them still a vibrant green, some starting to turn red, brown, yellow, orange because of the change in season. It was quiet, barely a sound to be heard. It would have been so nice, so quaint and peaceful to just stand in the middle of the forest or a field and enjoy what a lovely day it was.

But there was a funeral going on, so the group of soldiers standing at the edge of the wood couldn't indulge in such a luxury. None of them could move, none of them could speak as they stood there, gazing down at the newly erected tombstone in the dirt. Most of them were numb, staring down at the subject of focus without actually seeing it. Some had tears in their eyes, gazing down or off into the distance in disbelief.

Armin was one such person, his large, bright blue eyes shining with unshed tears. He sniffled, trying to keep himself together knowing that he had to remain strong. Mikasa was next to him, her dark eyes somber and glassy with pain. But she did not cry, only stared down at the tombstone, her body trembling and her fists clenched tightly by her sides. She knew she couldn't cry, not now, but inside, she was wailing in grief and sorrow, a pain resonating inside her that she had never experienced before. Just behind them, the rest of the 104th stood along with their superior officers, Erwin, Hanji, Mike…

And in the very back, standing alone and separate from the rest, was Corporal Levi. His steel-gray eyes stared, emotionless, at the stone. He was silent, his back straight, his feet shoulder-width apart, just as it was expected of a soldier to conduct himself. Because that's all he was. A soldier.

They stood there for the better part of the afternoon, none of them finding the will to move or say a word. Then, just as the sun began to set and the sky was painted with dozens of pinks, yellows, and oranges, there was movement. Levi, his eyes fixed upon the polished, gray stone for a moment longer, turned and headed back toward the castle.

It was dead silent as he walked, everyone either out by that headstone or staying in their rooms. It was deserted in the hallways as well. And he stayed quiet, expressionless, businesslike… the only evidence of him being there was the soft clicking sound his boots made on the cobblestone. In no time, he had arrived at his office, walking in and shutting the door behind him like it were any other day. He stopped just inside and gave the small room a onceover. It was as clean as it had ever been, with all surfaces dusted, documents organized in the cabinets along the walls, papers in neat stacks on his desk. An empty chair in front.

 _Time to get to work._

* * *

 _Knock, knock, knock._

Silence.

 _Knock, knock, creak._

Hanji peaked her head around the door, her eyes scrunched worryingly behind her glasses as she set eyes upon the short raven behind the desk.

"Levi?"

"Go away," he grunted, not looking up from the paper he was writing on.

Quietly, Hanji stepped further inside. "Levi. Are you okay?"

"Fine."

The brunette didn't look convinced as she watched him, his head never moving to indicate he was actually talking to someone. Her throat constricted and an empty feeling rose in the pit of her stomach. "I'm being serious. Are you—?"

Suddenly, he looked up, those sharp, steel-gray eyes cutting into her like a blade. "I said I'm fine, _Hanji._ Now leave before I throw you out."

For several seconds, the scientist stood there, contemplating her friend with scrunched eyebrows.

Finally, she sighed. "Alright then."

And just like that, she turned and left, leaving Levi as he continued to scratch his pen against his paperwork.

* * *

 _Knock, knock._

"Levi, I'm coming in."

The wooden door creaked open, revealing a somber Erwin Smith.

"What do you want, Erwin? I've got a shit ton of paperwork to get done so I don't have time for small talk."

The commander raised an eyebrow, but he walked in and sat in the lone chair nonetheless. Levi finally glanced up, noticing the occupied chair, and his glare immediately hardened.

"I didn't say you could sit down."

"I didn't say you could speak freely."

There was a short silence, the air tense between them as it was obvious Erwin had just pulled rank over Levi. After a minute, the taller man sighed, his large hand rubbing his face as he watched his subordinate glare at him in hostility.

"Levi…" He trailed off, unsure of what to say, before plowing on with the best he could scrounge together. "I know this can't be easy for you—"

"What's not easy? My job? Well of course it's not, I'm a fucking soldier with a unit of shitty brats to lead and fill out paperwork for. But that's just what it is: a job. So if that's all you wanted to talk about, I suggest that you leave."

"…You know that's not what I came to talk about."

Levi slammed his hands on the desk and stood up, but Erwin didn't even flinch. "Well I have nothing to say. So get out."

"Then just listen," Erwin said evenly, and before Levi could say anything else, he continued. "You have other people that care about you too, and if you ever need anything, we're here for you."

"I don't care. I don't 'need anything'."

"Well _we_ care." Erwin was suddenly standing, easily towering over Levi and glaring evenly back at him. It was silent again, the two staring at each other with varying levels of animosity and anger. Then, Levi sat down, picking up his pen and staring down at his work.

"Get out."

Erwin noted the softer tone, but didn't say anything. Instead, he did as he was told, turning and stepping out of the room with a small click of the door. After he left, Levi continued to stare down at his papers, his hand not moving. It wasn't until several minutes later that the pen was dipped in the inkwell and pressed to the document once again.

* * *

 _Knock, knock, knock._

Levi swore under his breath. "Erwin, if you open my door I fucking swear I will end you."

"It's Mikasa, sir. I was sent with some documents that need your attention."

The man scoffed. "Come in."

Upon command, Mikasa entered the room, her gray eyes immediately settling on Levi's from across the desk. He didn't even look at her as she came in, setting the stack of papers in her arms down in front of him. It was awhile before Levi noticed that she was still standing there, staring at him.

Obviously annoyed, he looked up, his eyes flashing in warning. "Is that all, Ackerman?"

" _Ackerman?"_ Mikasa scoffed in disbelief. Her eyes met Levi's, narrowing at him in contempt and dislike before turning on her heel and walking out. The door slammed shut, leaving Levi in a ringing silence. Seeing her out like that, he chuckled bitterly. He had known that she had always hated him, ever since the first time they met. Now though, he didn't blame her.

At the thought, his head dropped into his hands, a cross somewhere between a groan and a sigh escaping his lips. He sat like that for a moment, hunched over and left to his thoughts. It wasn't until several minutes later that he moved, taking a bottle out from his desk and swiftly throwing back a shot. He relished in the numbing, burning sensation the liquid left behind as he swallowed it, leaving his mind blissfully duller than before. He sat back, staring across the room for several minutes at nothing. Then, his hand absently moved and poured another glass.

* * *

It was dusk. The wind howled through the trees, whipping the leaves into a frenzy and sending most of them cascading down to the dark earth below. The moon was shining overhead, the stars beginning to peak through the dark and the gray clouds that rolled by. It was cold, and the wind only made it more so, the air cutting through cloth and skin like little knives.

But Levi didn't care. He wasn't even wearing his jacket as he stood on the edge of the woods. His shirt flapped against the wind, his hair tousling like curtains about his face as he stared down at the tombstone at his feet. It still looked fresh, cut from a slab of granite and polished so that it shone when the light hit it just right. Neat letters were cut into the surface, set deep so that it contrasted darkly against the smooth, shining surface. It was a great testament to the one it honored…

In Loving Memory of  
 _Eren Jaeger  
_ A True Friend  
A Loving Husband  
A Dedicated Soldier  
Humanity's Hope and Savior

Levi stood there for what felt like hours, his silver eyes never straying from the words written out before him. He stared but didn't see, read but didn't perceive. But he took in the meaning just as well, and even just that hurt more than anything…

Eren Jaeger was dead, dead and gone, and he couldn't do a thing about it.

"…You weren't supposed to leave me." The raven's voice came out evenly, but his fists clenched at his sides hard enough to draw blood from his palms. The wind blew at his face and brushed his hair across his eyes. "Out of all the people that left me behind, you weren't supposed to be one of them."

For an instant, he could smell the alcohol on his clothes, but the odor was swept away as quickly as it had come.

"I'm trying to cope with it, to accept it and move on, but I can't. You were supposed to be unkillable. Suicidal maybe, but impossible to kill. You had regenerative powers for fuck's sake, how could you just die and leave me here without you?"

Tears pricked at Levi's eyes, and he did nothing to stop them from welling up, threatening to spill. His throat closed up, and all he found himself wanting was to see that brat again, just to beat the shit out of him for not being there.

"I thought we agreed to live, to fight out of this shithole together and get far away—somewhere where you could see the ocean and I could kick your ass for trying to drink water that's been hell-knows-where. We _vowed,_ Eren! We vowed for better or worse! You said you would always be there and _where are you?!_ "

His voice cracked, and tears rolled down his cheeks and onto his shirt. He fell to his knees, his hands coming to grip the stone tightly, his eyes wild.

"You pledged your life to me, you damn brat! I practically _own you_ and you went up and left without so much as a warning! But that's not even the worst part! Do you know what else you did, you selfish son of a bitch?!"

His knuckles turned white as he gripped the stone harder, panting as he shook it under his hands, as if trying to make it understand. He could barely finish his thoughts as he felt more tears run down his face, his breath hitching in his throat as he stared at the familiar name etched finely in front of his eyes.

"I pledged my life to you! I gave you my fucking _existence_ and you _died!_ You left with it clutched in your fist…! And now I have nothing." Tears continued to stream down Levi's face, his hands going slack as he stared at the engraving.

 _Eren Jaeger… Eren Jaeger… Eren Jaeger…_

Squeezing his eyes shut, Levi collapsed to the ground, his head just barely resting against the headstone. His arms wrapped around his torso, his body shaking with silent sobs as he tried to forget. But he couldn't. The name was engraved into his brain, imprinted onto his eyelids. There was no way he could ever forget what Eren Jaeger meant to him.

"You left me… you bastard… you left me here alone."

* * *

It was a day. Just a normal day, like any other. The Scouts were going about their normal duties, cleaning, training, filling out paperwork. But it wasn't the same. It had never been the same since that day, the day when Hope was lost. Everyone was quiet, subdued, going through the motions. Even Hanji wasn't as hyperactive as she normally was. She tried to be though, she tried to act herself for everyone's sake, to keep the atmosphere alive, but she could barely keep a smile on her face or fanaticize about titans anymore. It just wasn't the same without her favorite subject around.

As she walked down the hall headed for her lab, she tried not to think too much about it. Loss was a part of their jobs, it came in the description that death was a guaranteed part, and she knew that they all had to do their best to walk on, to not let the deaths of their comrades be in vain. And her part in that was continuing her experiments. Even with Eren gone, she had learned so much from working with him. If she just worked a bit longer, a bit harder, she was sure she would find the key to how titans worked.

Just then, she blinked, seeing a familiar, short figure heading her way. "Levi…" she said, wanting to talk to him, but trailing off when he didn't even look at her. It was rare to see him out of his office nowadays. She knew that the loss of Eren was hard, especially on him, but she had no idea how he was taking it. He wouldn't talk to anyone.

Absently, she stopped walking, simply watching as he passed. His boots clicked on the stone, his eyes set straight ahead, obviously having a set destination in his head. But as he drew even with her, passed by without any hint of acknowledgment, she froze, her eyes widening in shock. When his steps had receded down the hall a bit, she turned, her brown eyes locked onto his back.

Did… did she smell alcohol?

* * *

Levi sat there, silently, for a long time, his back against the stone, the forest spreading out before him in an expanse of oranges, greens, and browns. Sitting this way, he just felt closer to his brat.

"…I started drinking."

The confession hung on the air, and saying it out loud made something inside Levi clench in pain.

"I know… that's not a good habit to fall into. At first, it was only a few drinks every so often… but now I drink several bottles a week. You're probably really disappointed in me, but… it's the only thing that numbs the pain."

A lump formed in his throat, and he had to take a moment to swallow it. His eyes went up to look at the forest again, trying to pretend that he was just sitting with Eren up on some hill, like it were a normal, peaceful day.

But no matter how he tried, no matter how much he closed his eyes and imagined Eren sitting by his side, laughing and talking with him, the cold, hard surface at his back reminded him of the cruel reality. It was a reminder, his tombstone, a testament to the courageous life he had led. But he didn't want the stupid testament. He wanted the real thing, the living, breathing Eren… But that could never happen, not ever again, and knowing that made it all the more unbearable.

The tightness in Levi's throat returned, and tears stung at his eyes. Drawing in a shaking breath, he pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his arms. For a long time, he was silent, feeling as the wind gently blew at him from the right, almost like a whisper. His whisper…

Levi's grip around his knees tightened.

"Where the hell did you go?"

* * *

"Alright! Get into pairs and practice!" Levi watched disinterestedly as his subordinates grouped together. It was just another training day, and that was just how he was going to treat it.

As the various shouts and grunts filled the air, and the movement of punches and kicks scattered about, Levi began to move around, observing their various techniques. They may be fighting beings that were fifty times larger than them, but keeping up their skills in hand-to-hand combat helped keep them fit both mentally and physically. It helped to keep their fighting instinct sharp.

At least, that's what they said. Levi just made them do it because he was supposed to.

As he passed, some of the soldiers looked at him, pausing briefly in their sparring to watch him. Some looked on with sadness, other with fear or contempt, a few even dared to show pity for someone so above them. And Levi knew it. He didn't even need to look at them to know what they were doing, he could feel it. But, really, he didn't care at this point. He didn't care much about anything anymore.

After a while, he made it to where a certain blonde and oriental were sparring, none of them looking until he neared. When Armin saw him, the boy paused slightly, staring with a palpable sadness in his big, blue eyes. Mikasa on the other hand, immediately stopped what she was doing, turning and staring at Levi without even the smallest amount of effort to hide her contempt, her hands clenching tightly by her sides.

Seeing her like that, Levi stared, his eyebrow barely twitching up. "Anything you need to say, Ackerman?"

Mikasa's fists clenched tighter, her face morphing to fury. _"Ackerman?_ Enough with this _'Ackerman'_ bull crap!"

"That is your name, isn't it?" Levi deadpanned, simply looking at her with a neutral expression.

The girl glared at him with even more intensity, making Armin look nervous. "You bastard. You don't feel anything, do you? Not even after him."

The Corporal didn't even blink, just stared at her without so much as a glint of his dull-gray eyes. "So what? How I feel about anything is no concern of yours."

"Yes it is!" Mikasa shouted. "I may not like you, or how you ended up being my family, but you _are_ , and you _are_ my business!" She seethed, her dark eyes going to the ground in pain. "And yet, you're not even showing any sort of emotion at all, no signs of loss or grief. Normal family would turn to each other, and you haven't said so much as a word to me on the matter."

Suddenly, she looked up to glare at him again, her entire body shaking with rage. "And I saw you! You were the first one to leave at his funeral! You didn't even care about him at all, did you?!"

"Mi-Mikasa!" Armin gasped, sounding horrified.

Levi continued to stand there, his hands clasped behind his back as he looked evenly at his subordinate. But his calm demeanor only riled her up even more.

Mikasa stepped forward, her eyes intense with hatred and anger. "Eren loved you more than anything and you didn't even care! You were married, and for what?! Some husband you were! You never did _anything_ for him! You never cared at all!"

"Oh yeah?" Suddenly, he looked her sharply in the eye. "And who do you think carved that headstone?"

And just like that, Mikasa froze, her mouth open and her dark eyes staring at him in shock. Without another word, the Captain turned and left, leaving his troops to stand in stunned silence without any instructions. Mikasa didn't know what to think after that. She could only dwell on that instant Levi looked at her before walking away.

His eyes… they had been so full of pain…

* * *

Levi stood in front of the headstone again, his gray eyes dully reflecting the dimming rays of the setting sun. He gazed down at the marker, his eyes lingering on 'husband.' He remembered chiseling that there, his hand moving with numb precision. He had done it before, for other fallen soldiers whose families or friends had requested it. But that time, for this headstone, he had started long before anyone had asked him to do it. And strangely, it had felt like it was a dream at the time, like it wasn't real. He had just been doing it for another soldier, another family, not his own.

"It's not getting easier, you know," he muttered, his eyes never moving from that word. "Your sister's not helping either, and all your friends look at me either like I'm scum or a kicked puppy. Hell, even Erwin and Hanji are treating me like I'm some fragile piece of china."

He stared for several seconds, his thoughts buzzing in his head. Now that he was here, he couldn't stop himself from spilling his guts. He had always promised never to lie to Eren. Well, here it was.

"I think about you every day. Sometimes, its constant, every waking second I remember you and the fact that you're gone. Sometimes, I forget, and I ask you to make some tea. And when you don't answer, I roll my eyes and turn to scold you, but then I see your chair empty and it's like someone punched me. And then, pretty much every night, you're in my dreams. Most of the time, I see you dead or dying, bleeding out as I watch from a distance, not able to help you. And sometimes, I hold you as you die, and you ask me why I didn't save you. And those dreams aren't even the worst." Levi's throat began to tighten again. "Those are the ones where we live together like nothing ever happened, like you're still here being an idiot and I have to put up with your shit. Then I wake up, expecting you to be asleep beside me, but you're not. Your spot's just… empty."

Suddenly, he found it hard to speak, so all he did was stare at that same word. He missed Eren. God, he missed him so badly it _hurt._ But that hurt would never go away, he knew. The only one who could fix him was the one causing him pain, and that person wasn't even alive anymore.

Suddenly, Levi's fists were clenching by his sides, and all he felt for a moment were things he hadn't truly let himself feel for years—Pain, rage, self-loathing, regret.

"This is my fault, isn't it? Of course it is. I'm supposed to be the strongest, the one who can do whatever the fuck he wants. And you know what? Turns out I can't, because the thing that I've wanted to do more than anything for a while now is protect you. And look where you are."

He laughed bitterly, a cruel smile breaking out on his face.

"Everyone says I'm the strongest. Hell, you even made me believe that I was for the longest time. If that's true, then shouldn't I have been able to save you? I should have been there. I shouldn't have left your side, I should have stayed with you and never let you out of my sight. We both should have learned our lessons by then, that putting too much faith in the people you love gets them killed."

Levi paused again, words failing him as his emotions ran rampant. He was falling apart, he could tell. Before, he would have never let his emotions get the best of him. He would have just moved on, kept a mind to never dwell on the past and keep fighting. And now look. He was unraveling because of one brat.

"I could have at least gotten there quicker," he said when he found his voice again. "I should have gotten back to you as quickly as possible. Why didn't I? You were supposed to be so damn important to me. Why didn't I go back? I should have, I know, I should have hauled ass. Screw Erwin's orders and low gas reserves, I should have come back to you when I had the chance. If I had, you would still be here, I wouldn't be talking to a damn rock and you would be living with the people who cared about you. You'd still be picking fights with Kirchstein, bickering with your sister, nerding out with the coconut… I don't care if you drag mud into the halls or endlessly pester me with your lame shit. I just want you back."

He was on his knees, his eyes wide and pleading as he stared at the headstone, his chest tight with pain.

"Can't I just have you back? Please? Even if it's only for a moment. I want to see your shitty face again cuz I'm afraid I'll forget what it looks like."

Silence.

He clenched his teeth. "Give him back. Whatever screwed up god or force has him, give him back. Eren was the last person who deserved to die. He was too arrogant, too stupid, and too young to leave this world. Why did you have to take him when he was still a brat?" He glared up at the sky. "He had too much to live for. Why did you take him? If anyone should die it should be me. I've killed and sinned so much more than he did. If anyone, you should take _me_. You know what, go ahead and do it _right now!_ I'll trade my life for his any day! I barely have anything to live for compared to him! Why don't you take me instead, dammit!"

He was seething, his breaths coming in deep and ragged. But he didn't get any sort of answer, and that pissed him off so much he saw red.

He clambered to his feet, almost tripping backward as he looked up at the sky. "Why did I have to live? Why didn't you take me instead? He might have grieved just as much as I am now, but at least he would have people to help him get by. I have _nothing_ now! Is this just some sick punishment for me existing? Well I get it, okay? I'm complete shit, but why take him?! What good did that do other than bring us closer to damnation? _Damn it, why didn't I save you?!"_

In a rage, Levi dug his nails into the palm of his hand, trying to feel pain, any sort of retribution in exchange for what he had done, or rather, what he had failed to do. But even the blood he felt on his fingertips didn't make him feel any better, he knew nothing else would. He was a complete failure, had screwed up in the most ultimate way: he had let his love die. There was no forgiveness for that.

He pulled his nails away, taking skin with them and leaving a trail of blood, but he didn't care, that pain didn't even compare to the gaping wound being torn into his chest.

"I SHOULD BE THE ONE DEAD, NOT YOU!"

* * *

Erwin didn't even bother knocking this time. He just threw the door open and barged into the office.

"Levi…!" But his fury instantly melted away when he looked around the room.

It was a complete mess. Papers were strewn everywhere, inkwells smashed open on top of them, empty bottles and glasses scattered on the desk. Even the chair in front was knocked over.

And Levi. Where did he even begin?

The Corporal didn't even look up at him as he came in. He simply sat at his desk, his face blank and his feet propped up carelessly. He looked so unclean. The bags under his eyes had gotten darker and his face was pale and waxy. It looked like he had neglected to shave for several days now. And when was the last time he bathed?

For a long time, Erwin could only stare, his initial purpose for being there lost in his current shock.

Levi was the one to break the silence.

"Don't gape, Erwin. It's unbecoming. Now either tell me what you want or get the fuck out."

"Levi… what happened?"

The raven laughed humorlessly. " _What happened?_ What do you _think_ happened? I'm a widower. Now get out."

The Commander stared longer. He noticed the way Levi had trouble forming his words, even if the slurring was well hidden, and the way his head drooped a fraction every few seconds.

"Are you drunk?"

" _No,_ Erwin. I just smell like alcohol because I started using it in the shower. It's not like our sorry excuse for soap works any better."

The blonde remained stunned, but only for a second longer before he clenched his jaw and stood firm. "This has gone far enough, Levi. You need help."

"Ha! Help? It's a little too late for that. Who the hell could possibly help me anyway?

"I've said this before; you have friends here, people who care about you. Just let us help."

"And how are you going to do that, huh? You don't understand what I'm going through, so fuck off."

"You're not the only one that's experienced loss before—!"

"Tch," the raven scoffed, taking his feet down and unsteadily getting to them. "Oh yeah? Well have you ever killed someone you love? Have you ever lost the love of your life and known that you were entirely responsible?!"

"…You didn't kill him, Levi. Eren died an honorable death for people he cared about and he did it of his own free will."

"Yeah? Well he was a stupid-ass brat! He shouldn't have had to make those kinds of decisions!"

"We both know Eren was grown-up, even for someone his age. He had every right to do as he pleased."

"Well he shouldn't have had to." Levi staggered a bit and leaned against his desk. "I was responsible for him. It should have been me."

"Don't talk like that. What happened to not regretting the past? Eren wouldn't have wanted—"

"Eren's not exactly _here,_ is he?"

"Dammit, Levi, I'm trying to help you!"

"And like _I've_ said before, I don't need your help! I don't want it so _leave me the fuck alone!"_

Erwin had stepped closer now, ignoring when Levi looked at him with such hatred and stepped back. "I can't do that. Not when you're practically killing yourself." He had tried to keep his cool, but couldn't now that he was this close. He could smell the scotch. "You need help, and if you won't seek it out, you force my hand."

"What are you—? _Hey!_ Put me down you pretentious bastard! Dammit, Erwin, I'm talking to you!"

But Erwin didn't answer. Carrying Levi over his shoulder, his face hard-set with resolve, he walked right out of the office and down the hall.

" _Erwin you son of a bitch!"_ Levi yelled, kicking and hitting the back of his captor's head wildly. Under normal circumstances, he would have easily been able to break himself free, but he was too intoxicated and malnourished to do much more than leave a few bruises. And a part of Levi knew that, he just hoped that the bruises hurt like a bitch. "I'm not fucking around! Let me down or I promise one day I will kill you! Erwin— _Goddammit, put me down!_ "

Levi screamed, hit, kicked—did whatever he could think of that might reward him his freedom. But Erwin didn't even blink, and that only made Levi scream and hit harder. Obscenities flew from his mouth, curses were thrown—at Erwin, at himself, at anyone who passed by. The whole regiment had practically appeared in the hallways and stood, stunned, as they watched Humanity's Strongest scream his throat raw and be carried along like a rag doll. Even the 104th was there, staring in shock at what had become of their captain.

When Erwin finally made it to the infirmary, Hanji was already there, staring with wide eyes as he carried Levi, an utter mess, toward one of the beds.

"Hanji, get something to calm him down."

" _Oh,_ no! You motherfuckers are not putting that shit in my system! What do you think the alcohol was for?!" Levi fought harder when he felt Erwin's hands grab his waist and remove him from his shoulder, only to push him down and restrain him on the nearest bed. He screamed, his face contorted in anger and hatred. He honestly didn't want this. Even if he knew he was messed up, getting fixed wasn't worth anything.

Soon enough, Hanji was by the other side of his bed, a syringe in hand.

"Don't you dare! Don't you fucking touch me with that thing! Just let me suffer, goddammit!"

Erwin and Hanji froze, watching in shock as a tear slipped down Levi's cheek and his voice began to shake.

"I don't want any help! I don't deserve it! I let him die and I need to atone for it, even if it means my life!"

A sudden sharp pain registered in his arm, and Levi's eyes snapped to Hanji. She had the needle in his arm, her thumb on the plunger. She looked like she was about to cry. He saw her mouth move, knew she said something to him, but he didn't hear it. Next thing he knew, he had tunnel vision.

And then it all went black.

* * *

Levi wasn't sure how long they kept him knocked out—days, weeks, months—but it didn't really matter. When he finally came to, he was staring up at a white ceiling.

"Hey. Look who's awake."

Levi turned, not surprised to see Hanji sitting next to his bed in one of those spinny chairs.

"…Shit specs," he greeted curtly.

The moniker made Hanji smile a bit wider. "How are you feeling?"

"Peachy. How long was I out?"

"About a week," the scientist answered. "But let's not talk about that. For now, it's probably better to have idle chatter."

"…Alright then… How's your work going? Made any breakthroughs?"

Hanji was practically beaming at this point. He wasn't showing any signs of hostility other than what was normal. That was a good sign. "Great actually. I think I've gotten really close." She turned to get a clipboard, planning on writing her observations on her patient. "Based on data I was able to gather and with Armin's help, we've gotten pretty far. It's really only a matter of time before we finally figure it out."

"Oh really? And how is Arlelt? Now that we're on the subject, how's my squad."

"Good. They've gotten so grown-up, you know? Pretty soon, they'll be giving you a run for your money."

"Hmm. Glad to hear it."

Before Hanji could reply, she felt a sharp pain in her shoulder. Confused, she turned to find Levi standing there with a syringe in his hand. "Sorry," he muttered, his face showing genuine remorse, but Hanji didn't have time to say anything before her world went dark. She fell forward, and Levi immediately went to catch her and ease her to the ground. If he hadn't been asleep for the past week, he could have carried her to the bed, but seeing how weak he was now, he did what he could and brought the pillow and blanket to her, doing his best to make her comfortable before leaving the room.

* * *

It was cold. The trees were bare and the wind was blowing rather harshly, bringing the snow down in flurries. But Levi didn't notice. He stared down at Eren's grave.

"I tried. I really did," he muttered, barely caring that he had begun to shiver. "I tried moving on, but… something in me broke. I'm not the same anymore. I've stopped eating, stopped sleeping—I stopped trying, Eren. I don't think I can do it anymore."

He slowly got to his knees, his pale hand going to wipe the frost away from the polished, granite surface.

"And it's not that I don't want to. I _can't._ Even if I wanted to try, I'd die anyway… I coughed up blood the morning before they drugged me… I don't know if I was already going to get sick or if it was my drinking, but I'm dying. And maybe this is for the best. Hanji and everyone else shouldn't have to watch me die a slow, painful death… They've already watched so many people die. I don't need to be on that list."

His silver eyes now looked upon the engraving, on the name that evoked the image of the person he loved more than anything. And this time, when he looked at it and saw that image in his head, he did not feel sorrow.

His hand gently went across it.

"I think it's better that I went out on my own terms anyway. Don't worry. I made sure that everything would be ok with me gone. Hanji's gotten pretty far along in her research and your friends should be able to lead humanity to freedom well enough on their own. I even checked in on them while they were training before coming here. That sister of yours even rivals me."

He smiled sadly, his hand going to the ground and absently scraping at the white fluff beneath him.

"I'm sorry, by the way. She and I never did get along. I know that would have meant so much to you if we had. I kinda wish I had tried when I had the chance but…" he trailed off, not knowing how to finish that thought as he stared at the headstone for a while longer. He really hoped this was the last time he would see the damn thing.

"Now, she'll take my place. I can't be the last left standing anymore. I don't have titan powers to keep me whole. But she'll do just fine. So will the rest of them… Tch. I never thought I would be unraveled like this. I think you broke me, and you were just a brat."

Levi smiled fondly, his hand coming away from the stone. Moving forward, he went around and sat behind it, his back braced against it as he stared out at the forest. For a long time, he sat there, closing his eyes and imagining that he wasn't sitting alone.

And that's where they found him, his body cold and lifeless in the snow.

Levi Ackerman was now dead to the world. Humanity's Strongest was no more.

* * *

White. That was all Levi could see when he suddenly realized that he actually _could_ see. He blinked, looking around and trying to figure out what was going on.

"Where am I?" He muttered, trying but failing to find anything around him other than an expanse of white. He remembered sitting by Eren's grave, and it had been snowing… was this the afterlife? Well if it was, it certainly wasn't that impressive. If this somehow turned out to be his own personal hell, that would have been just perfect. In all honesty, the only thing he had wanted in death was to be where Eren was. He doubted Eren would have been sent to hell though.

Levi's arms folded across his chest as he stared around, starting to get a little pissed off.

"No, please, go ahead and take your time with your judgement. Not like I have any place else to be."

"Levi?"

His eyes widened. He wasn't really sure if he had a heart right now, but whatever the hell was in his chest was clenched tight in anxiety and a small bit of hope. Slowly, he turned, his silver eyes scanning his surroundings carefully until they set upon a familiar, annoyingly tall figure.

Eren stood there for a long time, his bright, blue-green orbs wide. Levi didn't say anything, he just stared, silver eyes unwavering from Eren's face. The younger took a hesitant step forward, paused, his teal eyes unusually glassy. Something leapt in Levi's chest and brought him to move, meeting Eren as he finally brought himself to walk all the way. Once they stood, only a few inches away from each other, the both of them stared for a long time, neither fully believing what they saw. Then, the brunet's hand lifted, the fingertips reaching towards Levi's cheek. They brushed the smooth skin, making the raven's breath catch in his throat, his body already rigid from the close proximity he never thought he would experience again. Then, the hand cupped his face, and Levi instantly closed his eyes, leaning into it. It was so warm, slightly calloused, but warm in that familiarly comforting way. Just how he remembered.

"Levi," Eren said again in his easy tenor, though this time, his voice was tight with emotion. "It's so good to see you. But then again, it isn't, because I know what it means." He was smiling, but a tear slipped down his face and that made Levi almost feel guilty. Almost.

"But why? Wh-what happened? Did we lose? What about everyone else?"

Levi shook his head. "No, they're fine. I made sure of that. And because of you, I know they'll win."

Eren's smile twitched a bit wider, but then became a frown again as his free hand cupped Levi's other cheek. "B-But then… what about you? How did you get here?"

Levi was silent for a moment, avoiding Eren's gaze as he thought about how to formulate his answer.

"…I couldn't do it anymore, Eren. I watched so many people die… And you were the last straw."

There was a sniff, and Levi looked up, catching sight of Eren's tears as they streaked down his face. "I never wanted you to die. God, I never wanted that, but I can't really blame you. You've been through so much for one person to have to deal with."

The raven looked at him sadly, not able to help himself as he lifted his own hand, wiping the tears away from his love's face. "You're not mad?"

"Mad? No" The brunet closed his eyes to rid them of tears and shook his head before looking down at Levi again. "Maybe a little sad, but no, I'm not upset with you, Levi."

For the first time since arriving there—wherever they were—Levi smiled. The gesture was small, barely a twitch of the lips, but it was there. But just as suddenly as it had appeared, it vanished, replaced with pain before he pushed his face into Eren's chest.

"I'm sorry, Eren," he murmured, his voice unusually tight. His arms wrapped around his brat as his hands fisted in his uniform jacket. He felt Eren hug him back, his arms circling around Levi's shoulders, one hand tangling in his hair. "I wasn't there to save you. I should have been there for you. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me."

Eren shook his head, his arms tightening reassuringly around him. "No. It wasn't your fault."

The two stood like that for who-knew-how-long. _They_ weren't even sure, time just seemed to work differently there. When they finally came apart, it was only by an inch as they kept their arms around each other, Eren stroking Levi's cheek with his thumb.

"Well, we shouldn't dwell on the past. We both know there's no point. Anyway, since you're here, I think it's about time you met my parents."

A small smile twitched at Levi's lips. "Sure. Especially since we decided to get married _first_."

Eren chuckled, and Levi felt like it was the most wonderful thing he had heard in a long time. "I think they'll forgive us for that."

The smile was clear on Levi's face now as he took Eren's hand in his. Now that he thought about it, if this really was the afterlife, then they both had quite a few people to play catch up with. "I have some people I want you to meet too… but you'll have to show me around because I have no idea where the hell I'm going."

"Don't worry about that," Eren smiled widely, his vivid teal eyes shining as brightly as they had in life. "This place isn't that hard to figure out once you get used to it."

And so, the two of them began to walk, hand in hand into the white expanse surrounding them. They walked and walked, until the white enveloped them, their forms fading, fading until they disappeared, leaving this world behind them.


End file.
